Prostate surgery is a treatment option that strikes fear in the hearts of some men with prostate cancer. I know. I was one of them. Possible surgery outcomes includes: urinary incontinence and erectile dysfunction. I had one main question. Is there love after prostate surgery?
After I received a few moderate increases in my PSA levels, my general practitioner suggested I visit a urologist. That made me nervous. I was reluctant to share this information with my wife. I took his recommendation and made an appointment with urologist Dr. Christine Cumarasamy MD.
FIRST MEETING WITH Dr. C
In Dr. C’s office, she reviewed my PSA lab results. She asked had anyone in my family ever had prostate cancer? I hadn’t been honest with my general practitioner and I wasn’t ready to share my secret with her either. “No.” I answered. I felt guilty lying. Dr. C appeared to be a very caring physician. But on this day, I was not in a trusting frame of mind. I was hoping she would simply continue to monitor my PSA levels. Hope quickly faded. “To be on the safe side, I will order a prostate biopsy,” she said. That was not what I wanted to hear.
SECOND MEETING WITH Dr. C
Following the prostate biopsy, I went back to Dr. C for the results. I knew that according to statistics one in six Black men will develop prostate cancer in their lifetime compared to one in eight men overall. But why would I have needed to worry? I exercised every day and was in good physical health. Also, I had no symptoms. Nevertheless, I entered her office with both my fingers and toes crossed. My optimism was short lived. She looked up from her lap-top computer. “You have prostate cancer. You have a Gleason 7. Your cancer was contained. It had not spread” That was too much information to process. I had no idea what the Gleason score 7 meant. However the expression on her face told me it was not good. An alarm went off in my head. I felt my heart beating faster. I tried to calm down while she explained the results. This was followed by a discussion of treatment options: radiation or robotic prostatectomy. She said after the surgery I would have to wear a catheter for 10 days. As she spoke, I had a vivid recollection of my brother at home after prostate surgery. I helped him get into the shower while he held his catheter. He was in pain. I didn’t know why. But what I did know was that I never wanted to end up like that. I had to force myself to get back to my reality. I wanted to jump up and run out of her office. But how would I explain my action to my wife? I calmed down long enough to say I had to think about this. Dr. C did not pressure me for a decision right away. She was probably wondering why I would hesitate to jump at a chance to save my life. What she didn’t know, I was more concern with saving my manhood. I needed help making this decision.
I had too much to lose. After two failed marriages, I had finally found the woman I loved. I wouldn’t allow anything to get in the way of our continued fun and love making. It had been 30 years of bliss.
DISCOVERY
I scoured the internet for everything written on this topic. But nothing I read addressed my concern. Then one day at the local library, I came across a book that spoke to me. The book titled TAKE THE RISK was written by Dr. Ben Carson an African American neurosurgeon. The book is about learning to identify, choose and live with acceptable risks. Although I had no symptoms, I was able to identify with Dr. Carson’s story. He was having a difficult time getting through a 10 hour surgery without having to stop and go to the bathroom. His urologist told him he was probably experiencing prostatitis, an inflammation of the prostate. He gave Dr. Carson an antibiotic. The symptoms persisted. Next, his urologist guessed he had prostatic hyperplasia, an enlargement of the prostate. So he ordered the drug Flomax. Nothing changed. Now Dr, Carson was getting worried. His urologist suggested getting a PSA test. It came back slightly elevated. Next a prostate biopsy was performed. His urologist told him the chances of prostate cancer was only 18%. So Dr. Carson relaxed and waited for the results. One day following the biopsy, he got the call while in the operating room. The biopsy indicated that he not only had prostate cancer but a very aggressive form. He began examining treatment options. Before deciding on prostate surgery, Dr. Carson evaluated the risks of nerve damage that could result in urinary incontinence and sexual dysfunction. Prostate surgery had a higher rate of success than traditional radiation treatment. If he had the surgery, that meant the permanent removal of the cancer. As long as the cancer was contained, the odds of a complete cure and normal life expectancy was good. He pondered the worst possibility with surgery. That was the risk of nerve damage that could leave him incontinent or impotent. So if the cancer was contained and the tumor removed he should be cured of the cancer and have a normal life expectancy.
His mind was on his wife and children that he would be leaving behind. He reflected on all the things in life he had taken for granted. He was going to start enjoying more of God’s gifts. Dr. Carson had a robotic prostatectomy. Fortunately, his doctor was able to remove the tumor and spare the nerves. The following PSA test dropped to undetectable which was the goal. Dr. Carson went back to work in less than a month cancer free. Although he realized the chance of a recurrency was a possibility, he anticipated a long and healthy life.
There was a section in his book where he described his wife’s reaction when he revealed his diagnosis. She had a tough time processing a life without her husband. At night she would cry. Her crying would wake up her husband in the middle of the night. It was so heartbreaking for him to witness. When I read this, it opened my eyes to a fact I had’nt considered. More important than sex was how unhappy my wife would be without the man she loved. I had given too much attention to the physical side of our relationship. Although important, it was not everything. For the first time, it was clear to me that my hesitancy regarding prostate surgery was based on a misplaced priority- the loss of lovemaking not love. My thinking had been shallow. My wife was a strong woman. But my death would cause her unbearable pain. Why would I risk losing my life just to save my manhood? That made no sense. So I made the decision to have the prostate surgery. I was in full agreement with Dr. Ben Carson. Some risks are worth taking.
Dr. Carson wrote a message in his book that spoke directly to me.
Hey guys let me share what is evidently a little known medical fact- there is a 100 percent chance of impotency if you are dead.
POST SURGERY
The surgery was a success!!! My wife and I were blessed. Dr. C performed a flawless robotic prostatectomy. Since the operation, I have only encountered a few instances of erection delay. For that, Dr. C gave to me a few tablet samples of a form of Viagra. Fortunately, it was not long before I didn’t need any assistance. I could finally report. THERE IS LOVE AFTER PROSTATE SURGERY!
I am also blessed to have had no urinary incontinence issues. My PSA tests shows undetectable. It will be tested regularly to spot any signs of a recurrence.
IN CONCLUSION:
I would advise any man with prostate cancer to seriously consider having a prostatectomy. I completely understand why you may be hesitant accepting this treatment option. There are risks involved. But there are some risks worth taking. In the long run, this surgery has a better success rate than the other treatment options. So, find a skilled urologist with years of robotic surgery experience. You want someone who:
- You can trust.
- Will answer all your questions.
- Will tell you exactly what to expect post – surgery.
- Will follow your progress for years after surgery.
Before you make the decision not to have surgery, consider the impact on the people who love you.
I will admit, although I was in my late sixties, the realization that I could never have a biological off-spring was unsettling. But in hindsight, I have absolutely no regrets.
